i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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