Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
