so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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