You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
