I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So vagazzling was a success
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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