I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
sex in a hospital.. check
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
