Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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