So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
