Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
