Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
