Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
