defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
