this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
