I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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