and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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