I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So here I am, sexting at work.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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