Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
