Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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