Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
