clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
