dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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