first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
