Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ttyl tear gas
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
