so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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