Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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