Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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