She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
