I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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