im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also, beer. Big fan.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
