He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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