Is it normal to miss your booty call?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
