I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
