Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
