and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
