ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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