No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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