Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
