I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
