I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
