Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
