his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
