the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
