So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
