i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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