I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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