two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
