Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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