went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
