I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
