I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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