"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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