it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
