your parents love me but you hate me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
