woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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