Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
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I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
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"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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