Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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