you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
