she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
