1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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