I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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