Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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