Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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