Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
