i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
