My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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